


Fuck you

by DangerRollins



Series: Carl finds himself [28]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 17:37:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11086584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DangerRollins/pseuds/DangerRollins
Summary: The heartache continues.





	Fuck you

"Why exactly are you here?" Carl questioned as he shoved all his stuff in his backpack. "Are you...Are you dealing again?" Russel questioned. He hadn't been here for more than five minutes and he was already getting a migraine. He was already ready to cry. "Yep." Carl answered like it was normal. Like he didn't care at all. Like it was okay. "Why exactly are you here?" He asked again. "I...I-You can't do that you'll end up in prison-" "I didn't ask you to stumble over your words like a fucking retard-" "Retard is not a term to be thrown around loosely. That's a gross thing to say." Russel cut in. "-I didn't ask you to give me a lecture on how my future will turn out and I didn't ask you to tell me what's gross and what's not gross to say." Carl spat. "I asked why the hell you're here, in my room, bothering me when I've got places to be and people to see. Either answer the question or get out." Russel sighed and let out a low groan. He didn't even feel like he was talking to Carl. He felt like he was talking to some Southside asshole he'd never met before and didn't want to meet again. How in the hell had Carl become so different in a week? Just a week.  "You're taking too long. Forgot how to talk?" Carl questioned the blonde. When he didn't get an immediate answer he scoffed and tried to get past him. Russel reacted quickly, pushing the young Gallagher back. "Don't touch me." Carl spat. "You don't get to touch me!"

"I know." Russel muttered softly. "I'm sorry-No listen!" Russel quickly tried to gain Carl's attention again before he could lose it completely. "I'm sorry for everything okay? When I first told you I cheated on you I kind of drowned it out with all my other shit. Didn't focus on the main problem. I just gave you my sob story and then left. I'm sorry for that." He said honestly. "And I'm sorry I cheated on you. That was a terrible thing to do and there's no excuse for it. I don't care what I was going through, it wasn't right and I knew it wasn't right and I did it anyway because I'm trash." He chuckled bitterly. "And I know you're acting like you're fine. I know you're acting like you're tough and unbothered because that's what you do when something hurts you a lot. I get it. But I know you're not okay and I'm sorry for making you feel how I know you're feeling. I'm sorry for making you question what's wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you, Carl, there's something wrong with me and that's why I cheated; Because I'm stupid as hell. You're perfect. You're beautiful and amazing and you weren't the problem-I was. And I'm sorry for making you feel weak. Because I know you still want me just as much as I want you and I know you're wondering why you can't just shrug your shoulders and move on. That's not because you're weak. It's because you're a person and that's what people do. We want what we can't have. We can't get over people we should be able to get over. Time was invested-Our hearts were invested. That means it's hard to let go. You're not weak, Carl, you're the toughest guy I know. And I'm sorry for making you cry and making your chest hurt and making your head hurt. I'm sorry for making your days long and hard and miserable. I'm sorry for making you question everything and for making you feel like you wasted your time. I'm sorry for ruining everything, including you. And I just want you to know that this doesn't mean every guy you'll ever meet is a complete asshole. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me or if you'll ever wanna be with me again- And that breaks my fucking heart. But I'm not gonna be selfish anymore. So I just want you to know that I hope you don't push other people away. I hope you don't avoid dating other people. I want you to find somebody else and be happy with them. Do not close yourself off. You don't have to do that. Not everybody is a shitty human being like I am so you don't have to worry. Okay? Just...Don't build a wall. It's not gonna work and it'll just waste time..." 

Russel took a deep breath after he was finished talking. There was so much more that he wanted to say, but he was shocked Carl had even allowed him to finish saying all of that and he needed to get on with what he'd actually come to say before it was too late and Carl stopped listening. So he swallowed thickly, his throat feeling dry and itchy and he could feel it closing. But he didn't have the chance to start talking again because Carl, the strongest guy he'd ever known, had thrown his body into Russel's, engulfing him in a tight hug. And just like always, he managed to shock the hell out of Russel. Crying, Carl tried his best to get his words out but they were all jumbled. "You fucking asshole I'll never get over your ass." He mumbled into the older boy's neck. "Not after this. Why are you like this? I'd never be able to do that- I'd never tell you to move on. Why do you genuinely care about my happiness? Fuck you. That's great." He sobbed. Russel somehow managed to let out a laugh. "Fuck you too Gallagher." He chuckled. 

Carl pulled away from the hug and wiped at his tears before punching Russel in the shoulder. "Fuck man, I wanna hate you but how am I supposed to do that after this?" He grumbled. "I...I don't want to let you go. I wanna be with you and only you. I can't let you go no matter what. I still...I trust you. I know you're sorry and I know it's not going to happen again. And you're right-I don't know how the hell you know so well how I'm feeling-But you're right. I do feel weak for wanting you back and I do feel weak for wanting to be with you,but I'd rather feel weak with you than strong without you. Geez." Carl sighed. "This is so corny. I hate this." "I love you." Russel whispered, pulling Carl back into a hug. "Fuck you." Carl muttered again, grinning. "So...We're back together?" "Um-N-No." Russel Stuttered out. Carl frowned. "Why not?" He questioned. "That's why I came over here." Russel cleared his throat before backing away. "My mom-She wants to move. So-So we're leaving. Next month." 

"Are you fucking serious?" Carl yelled, shoving at Russel's chest. "I'm sorry. It's not my fault-" Russel tried to defend himself. "No fuck you!" Carl yelled. "Why the fuck did you come back here- Why did you slither back in just to tell me you're leaving again?!" "I didn't even mean to say any of that, It just happened. I-I only came to tell you I was leaving but I had to let you know that you didn't do anything wrong and I needed you to know that I still love you-"

"You're the most selfish human being I've ever met and what's even worse than that is the fact that you're also a mastermind! A fucking genius! Somehow you managed to make me actually think that you give a damn about me. I thought you actually cared about how I was feeling and wanted to make sure I would be okay. But all you cared about was making yourself seem like the good guy. All you wanted was a clear conscience. Guess you've got it." Carl chuckled dryly. "Now that your ego is boosted and your feelings are in tact, why don't you get the fuck out?"

"Carl come on. You're being unreasonable. I didn't come here to clear my conscience. I came because I do care-" "Just go, Russ. You know where the door is. Use it. It was nice knowing you. Bye." 

Russel sighed and shook his head. He knew it was pointless to stick around and get ignored by his boy- His ex boyfriend. So he turned around and left without even saying goodbye, and Carl couldn't think about anything other than the fact that this would most likely be his final time talking to the boy who'd made him so happy for so long. 

He shrugged his shoulders, rolled his neck and dried his tears before picking up his bag. At least he could find an escape in his job. He'd distract himself by making endless stacks, fucking endless sluts and to top it all off, he had access to an endless amount of drugs. And just what the fuck could possibly be better than that?

Not 'Love' that's for damn sure.

**Author's Note:**

> "-Just...Don't build a wall. It's not gonna work and it'll just waste time..."
> 
> Now, once again I wasn't intentionally trying to send a message with this but...@Trump take notes, perhaps? Lmaoo I'm not about to start this.
> 
> Thank you all for reading!Hope you're still enjoying! XX


End file.
